New York Fairytale
by Lady Emzebel
Summary: Behind the jolly facade, Christmas can be just as ugly as any other time of year. But even then you've got friends, nakama, to see you through. AU Oneshot. Enjoy.


Title: New York Fairytale

Rating: T

Pairing: Subtle ZoSan, I tried my best to make it look like friendship but I don't think I succeeded... *weeps*

Warnings: Language, AU, OOC (Oh dear god, shoot me now. *facedesks*)

Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to the incredible Oda-sama, while the song belongs to the Pogues.

A/N: MERRY EFFIN CHRISTMAS YOU BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!

-----X3----

_Ding Dong._

"Hello?"

"Ah, hello sir. Sorry for interrupting your morning but..."

"Did they follow you here?!"

"...if I could just ask...huh? Follow me? Come again?"

"They're everywhere man...everywhere! No place is safe!"

"Sir...please let go of my coat..."

"You stay safe you hear...you stay safe!"

"Uh...yeah...I'll er...I'll stay safe."

_Ding Dong._

"Merry Christmas madam, allow me to take a bit of your time and—GYEEEH!"

"Like what you see, sugar?"

"Mellorine...I mean, Merry Christmas ma'am. You have a nice day now."

"Well thank you kindly..."

_Ding Dong._

"Hello Madam, truly sorry to bother you..."

"AHHH! Vandal! Hooligan! Get off my door step or I'll shoot yah! Alfred?! ALFRED! Get the gun!"

"Ok ok, I'm going, I'm going! I'M GOING! MADAM, STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR HANDBAG!"

"DAMN KIDS THESE DAYS!"

_Ding Dong._

"Good morning sir, I hate to trouble you this fine Christmas day but you see; I'm collecting for the Salvation Army and..."

"Get lost Blondie."

Another refusal. Another door slammed in his face.

Sanji Blackleg nearly bit clean through the filter of his cigarette as he resisted the urge to kick the door down and _force_ the tight-arsed bastard to give money.

Jesus, the types of people he met doing this gig...

_Whatever happened to the spirit of Christmas, eh?_ Sanji pondered mournfully as he shook his money tin, a few sparse coins rattling about dejectedly inside. He eyed the grey sky in annoyance before glancing at his watch.

9:30am

Shit, still another two hours before he was due at the soup kitchens.

Sure, serving up vats of meaty, greasy sludge to the homeless on Christmas day probably wasn't top on most peoples' "fun stuff to do" list, but Sanji took pride in feeding the hungry and would certainly prefer it to trudging around in the snow, freezing his nose, arse and toes off in the cold, as he attempted to get people to open their hearts—not to mention wallets—for a good cause.

Nami would have been so much better at this sort of thing; too bad she was celebrating Christmas with her mom and sister in Florida and wouldn't be back until late Boxing Day.

_Damn Luffy and Usopp and their do-gooder crap, _he cursed, _I've got enough of my own problems to worry about._

A twinge of guilt spiked in his stomach but he quelled it by pulling out one of the few bills he had left in his wallet and dropped it onto the plastic bucket-cum-drum case of a busker. The young man put the note away in his coat and inclined his head.

"Merry Christmas, hun."

"Yeah, you too."

The guy resumed drumming, Sanji kept walking.

_How many hours until Boxing Day again?_

Jeez, it seemed like forever. He could hardly wait until he and the gang got together to celebrate Christmas and exchange presents—though since Sanji had barely enough to scrape together for one gift, he'd just be cooking them the Christmas feast. The whole gang being Luffy, Usopp, Nami, Luffy's brother Ace, Ace's girlfriend Hancock, Vivi and Kohza, Chopper, the newly-weds Robin and Franky, bachelor Brook Bones and his niece Caimie. All were going to be crammed into Hancock's high rise apartment, which she'd graciously let them take over for the occasion with much cajoling from Ace.

Zoro, being overseas with the military, would not be attending the festivities. In his last letter, a rather wordy affair for a man of so few words, he'd apologized for not being able to obtain leave for Christmas, and promised he'd be home sometime around New Year's. Despite this, the wannabe-swordsman was going to be sorely missed by a lot of people, namely Luffy and Chopper, the marimo-head's chief idolaters.

_It's a pity really, _Sanji stubbed out his cigarette and flicked it casually into a nearby garbage can before lighting another, the last of the pack._ I was looking forward to banging heads with that lug-headed moron...not to mention he's not bad in the kitchen, 'specially if you give him a sack of potatoes and let him rip._

He turned onto the next street, stepping neatly out of the range of a spray of slush thrown up by a taxi speeding by, and grimaced at the scenery. The city really was prettier at night. The dark concealed the sickly green-grey haze above the skyscrapers and better disguised the ugly brown slop in the gutters that had once been snow. The flashing coloured lights, red and green to promote festive cheer, added the effect that one had stepped inside a kaleidoscope, a dazzling cluttered world that never showed exactly the same pattern twice. Unlike the child's toy however, there was a deadly side to this beauty.

Or so Sanji romanticised as he was nearly flattened by a biker running a red light.

"CRAZY FUCKER! I'M WALKING HERE!"

"SHOVE OFF ASSWIPE!"

_Oh yeah, you can definitely tell it's Christmas..._

Hands shoved deeply in his pockets, Sanji nursed his cigarette—his last one for a while since his money problems were not helped by his addiction—and crossed the rest of the road.

Further on, there were steps heading down into the subway station. Dejectedly, the blonde kicked a cola can before him, watching as it bounced, clanking and clattering, all the way down, narrowly missing someone coming upwards on the opposite side of the stairs. The guy didn't even blink when the tin can whooshed past his green-haired head at the speed of a bullet, as he was firmly ensconced in attempting to keep a hold of an enormous military-issue duffle bag with a tear in the side, a long thin case, and a backpack all the while reading a map at the same time.

After the man had passed, Sanji snorted to himself quietly. The map had been upside down.

_Idiot...just like that moss-headed sword freak. Seriously, the guy'd get lost in his own apartment if we, his roommates, weren't there to..._

_Wait a fucking minute!_

Sanji almost gave himself whiplash he whipped his head round so fast.

_It can't be..._

Then he broke into a wide, manic grin, one almost befitting Luffy himself, and charged back up the stairs. Searching frantically, he spotted who he was looking for stalking away further down the road, and chased after him.

He'd recognise that mass of green fuzz anywhere...

And thus, not even three hours back in New York and Zoro found himself tackled into the snow by some laughing maniac he couldn't even cut up with his swords lest he wanted to be locked away for decades on end.

Swearing violently, he twisted free of his bags, intending to wrestle the guy to the ground and smack him up so he'd never try this sort of shit again. However, as the arm that the limpet-like guy currently had shoved in his face was pried off and Zoro saw that his attacker was none other than a familiar blonde chain-smoking cook beaming down at him, he gaped and laughed in surprised delight.

"Sanji, you bastard, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, shithead...oh jeez, you haven't gone AWOL have you? Oh fuck..."

Zoro smirked as he shoved Sanji off him and staggered to his feet.

"Course not curly-brow, shit like that can get you imprisoned. And like hell I'd be stupid enough to be wandering around here if I were on the run..."

"Che, coulda fooled me."

Zoro punched his arm playfully and grabbed his duffle bag from the ground before dumping it into the cook's waiting arms.

"Aw, shut it nagbag. Look, I lied about not getting leave. I wanted to surprise Chopper and the rest of the kids...how's Chopper been anyway?"

"Oh gawd, the kid's been as good as gold, unlike his moron of an older brother." Sanji kicked out at the other man's ankle, half-heartedly attempting to trip him. Zoro laughed and side-stepped. "He'll be happy to know you're here."

"I'm happy to be here...well, not_ here_ here, and not necessarily in New York either...this place is a shit hole...but well, you know...wait, where the hell are we anyway?"

"Uh huh, lost, just like I thought..."

"I'm not lost! I'm just...geographically challenged."

"Yup...of course. Whatever floats your boat."

"Buoyancy," Zoro retorted, childishly sticking his tongue out.

"Wow, you actually succeeded in using a word with more than one syllable correctly...oh, put that away you pathetic man-child, and do try to keep up."

When Sanji strode ahead, Zoro caught sight of the tin hanging from his wrist on a leather cord.

"Salvation army?"

"Luffy and Usopp dragged me into it. They've become_ the_ biggest humanitarians and tree huggers on the planet since you left..."

"Please tell me that _does not_ mean they've gone vegan or vegetarian."

"Oh sweet Jesus no; honestly, the day Luffy turn down meat is a sign of the impending apocalypse."

Both men shuddered at the thought.

"I've got to get to the soup kitchens in an hour and a bit. We'll drop your stuff off and I'll get going. Wanna come?"

"Do I get soup?"

"Asshole, are you homeless?"

"Well nah, but I figure it'd be real nice of you feed this poor soul when he's had nothing but a paltry in-flight meal and dried army shit for the last few months before that..."

Zoro slumped so that his head could rest pitifully against Sanji's shoulder, and pouted while batting his eyelashes. The resulting effect was disturbing and mildly nausea-inducing.

"Please sir...I'm just a hungry orphan waif..."

"A hideous cretin is what you are, moss-head," Sanji shrugged Zoro's head off his shoulder and rolled his eyes, but the swordsman knew he had won. The cook had a ridiculously large soft spot for the hungry...and rightly so given his profession.

"Actually, going back to that Salvation Army thing, I thought you'd taken it up for yourself for a moment," Zoro teased. "Times getting that harsh, curlicue?"

When Sanji flinched he knew he'd put his foot in it.

"What? What's...?"

"Nothin'."

Sanji finally deigned to spit out the cigarette butt he'd been holding between his lips since Zoro's arrival, craving another one like a parched man desires water.

"Aw, come on cook; don't go all po-faced on me."

"I'm not po-faced!"

"Yeah you are, your forehead's all wrinkly and you're pouting like a fish..."

"What would you know about fish?!"

"I know goldfish...and Koi-carp...ooh, and those wolf eels. Hey, yeah, you look just like a wolf eel right now!"

"What the fuck...?"

"Come oooon, tell me asshole...I'll tell Usopp to put dye in your shampoo again if you don't..."

"What!? That was...you fucker..." he trailed off, positively livid.

Zoro grinned.

"Takes one to know one."

Sanji just sighed.

"Fine. If you must know, I have a slight debt issue I need clearing up."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, that's...wait what? Whaddaya mean 'that's it?'?!"

"Well, it could be worse...I mean you're not homeless or anything?"

"That's not the point...."

"What is?"

"Just drop it, Zoro. Got it?"

Zoro got it. He shut his mouth and followed after the dismal cook in silence.

_Oh yeah, I'm really feeling that Christmas spirit..._

After a while, when the traffic and pedestrians thinned and the scenery started to look familiar, Zoro thought he could risk getting the cook pissed off without getting himself lost after being abandoned. He sped up so he was walking side by side with Sanji and watched him for a moment before nudging him gently in the ribs.

This did not go unnoticed by Sanji, who gritted his teeth and wondered if the bastard was doing it deliberately to annoy him. The nudging persisted.

Then Zoro started humming and Sanji would have kicked the idiot under an on-coming taxi had he not recognised the tune and remembered it was one of their shared favourite songs. Gritting his teeth, the blonde listened in silence.

A hip bumped into his.

Sanji outright glared this time, but Zoro just beamed and continued on. An elbow nudged the cook's side again, slightly harder this time. It almost tickled. Then Zoro started singing, picking up where he left off humming.

"_I've got a feeling...This year's for you and me..."_

"Zoro, please. Not now."

"_So happy christmas...I love you baby..."_

"Zoro, I swear to god..."

Zoro grabbed him by the arm, forcing Sanji around so their eyes met.

"_...I can see a better time...when all our dreams come true_..."

He watched Sanji expectantly, his normally gruff face contorted with almost child-like hope.

_Now that's a Christmas miracle if I ever saw one..._

Spurred on, Sanji took up the song as well, albeit slightly sarcastically and unenthusiastic.

"_They've got cars big as bars, they've got rivers of gold, but the wind goes right through you, it's no place for the old. When you first took my hand on a cold Christmas Eve, you promised me Broadway was waiting for me..."_

Zoro was positively glowing, and Sanji found his mood infectious, even picking up in tempo and beat as the song continued. With one hand, he reached out and swatted Zoro's three earrings.

"_You were handsome..."_

Zoro retorted by ruffling Sanji's perfect hair.

"_You were pretty, Queen of New York City..." _

Sanji hip checked Zoro when the latter pinched the former's cheeks and they sang the next lines together.

"_When the band finished playing, they yelled out for more! Sinatra was swinging, all the drunks they were singing. We kissed on the corner then danced through the night!"_

They linked arms and practically skipped down the street as they warbled the chorus.

"_And the boys of the NYPD choir still singing Galway Bay...and the bells were ringing out, for Christmas day!"_

People turned to stare at the two men as they dumped Zoro's bags—the long thin case the only one treated with significantly more reverence—on a park bench and started dancing around it.

"_You're a bum, you're a punk,"_ Sanji started, leaping into a dramatic pose.

"_You're an old slut on junk, lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed,"_ Zoro finished, following the blonde's lead.

Sanji snatched up the bags again and sloped off, kicking through puddles of slush and snow, a big idiot grin on his face. Zoro followed him.

"_You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot, Happy Christmas your arse, I pray god it's our last!"_

They joined again for the chorus.

"_And the boys of the NYPD choir still singing Galway Bay...and the bells were ringing out...for Christmas day!"_

Seeing they now had a sizable audience, Sanji leapt nimbly onto a low brick wall and sauntered along it, Zoro by his side on the ground.

"_I could have been someone..."_

Sanji put a consoling hand on Zoro's shoulder...

"_Well, so could anyone..."_

...before whipping it back.

"_...you took my dreams from me...when I first found you."_

It was Zoro's turn to put a consoling hand on Sanji, placing it on his elbow.

"_I kept them with me babe...I put them with my own. Can't make it out alone..."_

They leaned in closer. The surrounding crowd did too, several looking like they were about to sport severe nosebleeds.

"_...I've built my dreams around you."_

Before their lips could touch, they smirked at each other and Zoro drew back, giving Sanji room to jump off the wall. The crowd dispersed, many looking wholly disappointed.

Leaping around in the snow like he was with Zoro, arms laden with a duffle bag of filthy, sweat-drenched clothes, and laughing like a kid again, Sanji could see the wisdom of the other man's words.

Yes, he'd woken up way, way earlier than he'd really wanted to, but at least he'd done so in an actual bed and had even managed to get in a good wash from his rusty clunker of a shower before he hustled himself out the door. It wasn't like he was homeless...

They bellowed the final chorus at the top of their lungs.

"_And the boys of the NYPD choir still singing Galway Bay..."_

Yes, he was cold, but he'd be so much colder without his leather jacket, North-59 winter coat, blue-chequered scarf, and fuzzy mittens. It wasn't like he had nothing but threadbare clothes on his back, or that he couldn't seek temporary shelter with his friends should it come to that...

"_...and the bells were ringing out..."_

Yes he was in debt, and going through a pretty shitty rough patch in his life, but he had a job, it wasn't going anywhere. And if he ever ended up in the debtor prison, he supposed he could always count on Zoro to bust him out. Whether he actually wanted to do a Thelma and Louise with the twat was another matter entirely...

"_...for Christmas day!!!"_

-----X3-----

Ever seen a picture of a wolf eel? Purdy darn ugly. XD

So yeah, I guess I just wanted to show a grittier side to Christmas. Dunno really how that all works out...perhaps I've been watching too much RENT again. Speaking of which, cyber cookie goes to the one who identifies the drummer/busker.

And once again,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Edit: Cheers Dandy-chan for pointing out my crappy mistakes.


End file.
